This is the Cheatham County Sheriff’s Report for April 29, 2022, provided by the Sheriff’s Office.
Well, it was bound to happen. We didn’t think ole Cheatham would hold a Guinness record for the longest, ongoing domestic event involving fussing, fighting, finger-flipping, and orifice calling. Eventually everyone got tired by 7am and made peace in the Walmart parking lot. (Partly sponsored by Budweiser).
Our weeks are anything but routine. On any given day, your deputies were constantly trying to catch up with the calls being belted out by overworked dispatchers. It’s a close connection of voices who depend on each other when information means everything.
It happened on Bandy Rd. (Off Bearwallow) An unknown individual dropped off a dead cat under someone’s mailbox. We have some used kitty litter we would like to force feed the alleged cat killer. Many welfare checks county wide kept deputies ensuring your loved ones were ok.
A person wounded themselves on Willard Williams while trying to unload their pistol as they were pulling the trigger towards an important appendage. Another person accidentally stabbed themself. Knife was stabilized in the body and both were transported to the ER.
Sadly, a TVA worker, trained to keep our electricity going, allegedly fell to his death near Old Sam’s Creek. Our solemn thoughts for the family.
And then there were four children who were in a car at the Dollar General with their drug induced, unconscious dad. He was brought back to life by your trustworthy deputy, armed with shots of Narcan.
Fentanyl: It’s a scourge of a septic tank bottom where children watch the one who should be protecting them, choose some skag that’s already killed him, if only we didn’t intervene instead!Sheriff’s Note: Unacceptable, disgusting, heart-wrenching and I’m sick of bleeding-heart excuses…
The vehicle was reported obstructing the roadway on Old Sam’s Creek. An investigation revealed high school students having a roadside bible study and praying together as a group. Those darn Christian kids!
A 14’ utility trailer was stolen from Jim Read Rd. and this week, a boat was stolen from a residence on Highway 12N in Cheap Hill. The suspect is a w/m, slim build, average or tall in height, with red hair and smells of asparagus. He was last seen traveling North on Highway 12.
Drivers and trailer owners please lock up or secure your stuff!!
It’s warmer and bloodthirsty thieving ghouls are lurking around your place!
We hope your weekend is full of friends, fellowship, laughter, and happy eating!
Stay safe Team Cheatham…
