This is the Cheatham County Sheriff’s Report for April 1, 2022, provided by the Sheriff’s Office.
Well, according to some, the last seven dwarf days went to hell in a handbag, initially instigated by an alleged Disney princess named Woody.
But for others, a huge sigh of relief when that sheriff’s cruiser pulled up to help them in their time of need.
Our week was far ranging. From desperate calls of saving someone on the brink of death, to another wanting no help and choosing their poison over a servant’s determination to save them.
But many requests for saving were met with a responders simple kindness, because the end of their rope had become a spiraling twisted thread.
Many times, it’s a feeling of “damned if we do” or “damn you, stupid f#*k, I don’t need your help!”
Very frustrating but we stand above any personal insults. All we want to do is serve and save life.
The Four Horsemen: Deputies Gautreaux, Spencer, Ivey and Dube were minus their former sergeant, who is now in greener pastures. They held the shift together this week and stayed focused to keep you safe. Other shifts are running to get to you too, so please be patient if our arrival is a little longer.
The preliminary report was turned in. A neighbor’s “evil” cat proceeded to scratch an alleged pentagram on their back porch screen door. Owners of “Pitchfork”, an adopted Russian bobtail, were issued a summons to the newly formed animal control mediation docket called “Cat Court.”
“There were some sick, unfathomable facts I can’t mention, ma’am, but that’s all we got on the pervert, McLovin.” (whose name has been changed to protect the innocent) -Sgt. Joe Friday.
Domestic aggravated assaults were countered with arrests of the aggressors.
Overdoses were met again by life saving measures.
Cars in ditches were pulled out because of courteous wrecker operators, even if their Skoal breath was unbearable.
What is it about suspicious people pulling into the ProGrow, in the middle of the night and looking around? Are they wanting to steal some ornate shrubs because they know bushes don’t snitch?
We aggressively patrol all businesses, especially the ones selling gardenias.
They may have cool stuff for any HGTV homeowner but we have DCPs (Deputies Constantly Patrolling) for all DAT’s (Dumb Ass Thieves).
One of the most difficult calls we have to make is a death notification. They are so personally draining and heart wrenching. Your servants fight hard to keep from breaking down too.
First responders know their every word is burned into a loved one’s memory. A need for sincere sympathy is always most important. It’s another duty expected every time, as hard as it is, every time…
We hope your week was filled with more highs than lows. But, when your time of need should ever come, just call on us. Have a happy and safe weekend Team Cheatham!
