This is the Cheatham County Sheriff’s Report for July 1, 2022, provided by the Sheriff’s Office.
SHERIFF’S REPORT: WE LOVE AMERICA AND ESPECIALLY YOU
Goodness gracious, what is wrong with people these days? No one wants to work and everybody thinks the government owes them a living. Gerald Swoon-1916.
Deputies were not only busy this week but they needed to do things never imagined. Multi-purpose tasks are sometimes vital to keep the fabric of our communities together.
The dangerous pursuit began Sunday morning when a suspect tried to elude city police and county deputies. The crime car was spiked but continued on, entering 24 and rammed a sheriff’s cruiser. The vehicle was stopped, caught fire and the suspect pulled out before becoming engulfed himself. This thug “of no regard for anyone” happened to be on parole for murder.
-Ridiculous
A three-year-old was suspected of ingesting Suboxone. The mother became impatient with ER doctors and decided to leave with him, against their protests. She left anyway because her schedule allegedly interfered with a stupid hospital wait. Mom later agreed to have the toddler transported back by ambulance. “Drugs are the best thing ever because addicts say so!”
We arrested a 75-year-old selling cocaine this week. His Music City Mercedes was seized as well but he didn’t seem to mind. Maybe in Nashville, it’s chuckled about a senior who sells all kinds of dope to make a living. In Cheatham, he’s still a drug dealer no matter his age.
An elderly man on Sam’s Creek, fell off his back steps. Another was lost, possibly suffering dementia, and dropped off at the sheriff’s office. Lt. Miller took him home to his worried family. Another elderly gentleman was reported to be non-responsive at the park and ride. He was just napping. (Sheriff’s future rest area)
There was a report on Neptune of squirrels attacking Ms. Bernice again, chirping vulgarities and stealing her aluminum pie pans. Trouble started again on Trouble Rd. and if was handled when someone got into trouble, big trouble. No real issues on Bearwallow this week, finally.
It’s starting to build again as it does every year. July 4th often brings acts of dumbfudgery assisted by intoxication. There will be arguments that will lead to fighting and punching. Amateur judo chops will follow with the throwing of gravel and car parts at each other.
And since it’s America’s birthday, proud citizens will predictably shoot bottle rockets from their butt almost causing someone’s staring eyeball to be put out.
The law will arrive as usual, separating parties or putting the instigator in a government back seat. As expected, somebody will get on Facebook alleging Deputy Doe violated their nephews rights (Even if the writer was not there nor witnessed the butt-burning situation).
Be extra safe this weekend Team Cheatham! Eat, drink (water) and enjoy our freedoms that so many other people long for. Please come to the Pegram July 4th Parade starting at 10am! See you there!
