This is the Cheatham County Sheriff’s Report for March 11, 2022, provided by the Sheriff’s Office.
We had a toy box full of misfit calls this week including weird requests for in person deputy beer deliveries. Local gas stations introduced new shiny metal boxes at the pumps with slip doors and instructions on donating your arm and/or leg for a tank of gas.
A stolen gun was recovered on Thompson. The car speeding over 140 mph and inbound to Ashland City was a little more dangerous than we liked. Driver got spiked and given slammer time.
The ATM is back in Pegram. We hope it stays unmolested this time.
There was an unwanted person on Temple, a suspicious person at Rustling Oaks, another suspicious male near Old Pickanull, packs of suspicious dogs barking non-stop with suspected methed-up neighbors living nearby, accusing other suspicious neighbors of acting more suspicious than them.
New transplanted hipsters complained to the sheriff about natives shooting loud guns and illegally fishing off bridges with some redneck named after a “church.” But other new settlers loved the sound of second amendment expressions, presently banned in their former regime states. American determination: always preparing to defend our way of life.
There was a vehicle reportedly stolen from Little Marrowbone. Deputies got on the case and eventually discovered it was just Dad driving his daughter’s car.
And then a terrifying post was reported…
“Do you go to cheatham””
“Yes ?”
“I have a gun
12am today”
“Huh???
Who is this bro”
“You will soon find out”.
Nothing funny about this. In these times of school shootings with senseless deaths, everybody responded on a mission to protect and identify who would do such a thing. Lockdown was needed to prevent any possible acts of violence because your children are our children.
The threat was averted, case solved.
And the calls kept coming…
In one week, a few aggravated assaults, one kidnapping, several welfare checks, many residences and businesses checked on. Citizens walked into the sheriff’s office with a petition to redress their complaints. Even “Peanut the Drunk” sashayed over demanding why he has to pay more for his Bud Lite.
Weather humor alert!. The liquor stores have been busy Friday but please stay off the slippery roads Saturday until 70 degrees comes back in the next few hours.
We like Tennessee weather but love you more!
Have a warm weekend Team Cheatham!
