Cheatham County Sheriff’s Report for May 6

From Cheatham County Sheriff's Office

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cheatham county sheriff car
Photo by Cheatham County Sheriff

This is the Cheatham County Sheriff’s Report for May 6, 2022, provided by the Sheriff’s Office.

SHERIFF’S NOTICE: SOME PORTRAYALS ARE INCREDIBLY TRUE, OTHERS ARE ABSOLUTE FICTION…

DIGSTER DAILEY was found unconscious, behind his steering wheel at the Twice Daily, As lifesaving infusions were getting prepared, DAILEY roused out of his self-induced coma, stating he drank too much of recently purchased “Asparagus Moonshine” from Gatlinburg.
After detecting a putrid but familiar odor, deputies took him into custody anyway.

Sirens seemed to work overtime this week. From Hwy 12, 49, 249 North, 70 West and even on the usually quiet, non-ending curves of Bearwallow. Deputies pursued speeders in a stolen TruGreen truck from Metro. Thieves think Bearwallow residents will put up with their crap but, no. no, they won’t.

“Roberto, Pleasant View’s most famous fighting rooster, spurred the wrong neighbor’s chihuahua on Cinco de Mayo. “Penito” allegedly lashed out in defense, clamping onto “Robo’s” waffle. Sources close to the investigation reported Penito’s clenching caused blood spatters that made Cheatham’s seasoned animal control officers murmur, “Yo Quiero, Taco Bell.”

Be On The Lookout for a white Jeep Liberty 4-door. Occupants inside have been seen stealing road signs. If you see someone stealing road signs, please call Dispatch, 615-792-2098.

The house guest on Poplar Ridge refused to leave and stood his ground until deputies arrived. Unfortunately for him, he had outstanding warrants in Robertson Co. Standing on principle, he proved his point in the backseat while the cruiser quietly pulled away.

If you loan your car to a friend but they’re not that kind of friend because you know nothing about them, be a little more alert. Or maybe your new found hombre gives you a funny feeling that something just ain’t right as he laughs about forcing cats to smoke weed.

Sheriff’s Advice: Find another friend who simply wants your friendship, not borrow your car for two months.

Fentanyl is certainly not your friend and only wants to “high you to death.” Drug Agents have been very busy, getting ready to close in on the few who think their private selling is “motherlode approved and drug dealer safe”. We know your doings and coming for you, real soon…

A twenty-foot trailer was left in the roadway on Mosley Ferry at Ashton like no one would notice. Even a nervous chicken pecking near a storm ditch clucked, “C’mon man!”

This is Mother’s Day weekend sons and daughters! Please tell her how much she’s loved and show her your admiration as if you’re a child again. You may be 40 but still her baby. And for us whose moms are now distant memories, let only the good thoughts flood back into your heart and smile all day Sunday.

Happy Mother’s Day to the ones who love us, unconditionally…

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